I blame you leukopenia.

[So you don't have to google it lol. Leukopenia is the fancy medical term for a low white blood cell count.]

Not every day is a bad day, but today is one of my sicker days.Taking anti-nausea pills have become an almost daily thing. I have 3 different pills for nausea [and yes... they all were actually prescribed to me, :) haha] but sometimes they only take the edge off. And when added to the list of my normal everyday life complications, my "broken" back, the fact that it's summer time and all the kids are here. It blows.... BIG time.

It's 12:57 and I'm exhausted; I haven't been sleeping at all this week and tonight doesn't feel like an exception. Once again my mind won't stop racing [obsessing over anything and everything] and I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I have a fever but the only thing I want is hot tomato soup (I've had 2 cans today).

Now to be fair, there is a "solution" to my lack of sleep, if I take a handful of sleeping pills I can knock myself out. The following morning is miserable though [I'm already not a morning person], so it's a nightly decision based on how early I can corral the children and get them to sleep. Oh yeah, and any night my husband is home but he never is... in fact, in the last 10 days was home before 10pm one day, yep one day. So pretty much I am exhausted... all the time.

I can never catch up. My good days just aren't long enough to finish everything I need to get done and still do the things I want to do. It's like coming back to work after a vacation [at my old "working for the man" job] when you take a break or stop working for awhile it doesn't mean your work takes a break. Oh no, it just piles up... and piles up. It waits for you to come back. Then you end up working 60 hours the following week just to make up for the few extra days you had off. Only it didn't matter so much then. Now I have children and people who need me in addition to my other jobs I'm suppose to be getting done. My house is a disaster. You should see my desk. I'm so far behind in every area of my life and it makes my eye twitch. The feeling of hopelessness is pretty discouraging actually. I feel like it makes it even harder to start something knowing you still won't be caught up anyway.

Thankfully, Jabali and the older boys are going to be gone for the next three days, it will help. Why will it help? There is only a 10% chance one of the littles will destroy something or seriously injure one another, which is pretty nice on the 'ol nerves. Less Xanax = More Productivity. Then, after I get my life back on track-ish I am going to reward myself with a trip to my mom's (relaxing mountain getaway) house.

Looking forward to my chance to catch up and set up schedules and a trip to the mountains. In fact, can't decide which one is going to bring more relief. It'll probably be the mountains. Something about sitting in a hot tub, while listening to the river, breathing in fresh air and looking at the stars that just makes me wanna "ahhhhhh" :)

Christmas Pj's for the Hubs

Bahahahahaha!!!! I super love this. lol
Thanks Nikki! :)

.... hello, stranger. :)

It is has been awhile. A very long while.

I promise to write. I do.

Just.... later :)

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