Anxiety

I have been dealing with some serious anxiety in my life lately. My current 'right-this-second' anxiety? I am running out of my "happy pills". I don't have a prescription for them (yet) and I can't afford to buy any more. I keep counting how many pills I have left and calculating the days til my demise. I almost want to take them all now so I don't stress about it anymore.

Therapy?

So I am seeing a mental health counselor. Well... meeting with her and signing paperwork so that in 6 weeks we can maybe start to discuss my issues. Annoying. Three weeks ago I had my intake appointment. Today I had my first appointment where we discussed disclosure details and legal stuff. In 3 more weeks we will go over my treatment plan, and emergency plan... and maybe, just maybe if we get all the paperwork done we will discuss my issues and set up a psych evaluation at the following appointment.

Wow.

That's a lot of waiting. What if I was in serious trouble? What if I came looking for help as a last ditch effort before killing myself? Pretty sure I wouldn't sit around in my misery for 9 weeks waiting for someone to hopefully start to help me. I know there are emergency channels for things like that, but it wouldn't surprise me if they had hoops of their own.

so freaking MUCH!!

I love my kids. Ah, they are amazing. They do and say the cutest things. They are so polite and fun. They are both very sensitive and know when someone needs an "i lub you" or a sweet hug. I am so happy they are mine and I don't want them to grow up and change... eventually they will not be so willing to hug me, and one day they will tell me the hate me, not love me. So I do my best to take lots of pictures, write down tons of stories, and soak up the cuddles and loves I can. I love, love, love 'em!!! :)