Back to School Shopping

It's that time again. Back to School time. Yes, I realize it's still the first week of August and technically we still have a few more weeks left but school starts at the end of THIS month.

I have recently learned that now is the time to shop for school supplies. I know what you are thinking: "Really? Why so early?" Well the ads that are put out with all the deals companies are running is based on the East Coast, and their schools start early this month. So if you wait til just before school starts you might not be able to find everything on your list, and even if you do find it you will be paying full retail price. $2.49 for a pack of pencils when you can get them at Office Max for .01 cent this week. $2.99 for a 24 pack of crayons that you can get right now for .24 cents at multiple locations.

I will be shopping this week for all the school supplies for Jess and my boys, and getting the at home art supplies I will use over the next 6 months. Maybe a few stocking stuffers... crayons, markers, books. I will also be picking as many 'extra' supplies I can afford to buy and donate them to our local elementary school kindergarten classes. Sounds like I am a giving individual right? Well, kinda.

I do LOVE participating in charity events... and rarely have an ulterior motive but this time I do have another reason. :) Why donate to the elementary school? In case I am not making enough money to put Quinn and Marley in private school right away. If I donate supplies, box tops, and volunteer at PTA events people will know me. And I want to have my name established so my children will get special treatment. It happens people. I know they don't want you to think it matters, but it does. And I will do everything to give my kids "a leg up" so to speak! lol. :) Fingers crossed I have enough money to afford private school though.

.the key to "having it all"...

... is realizing that most likely, you never will. once you grasp that concept you can be happy with what you already have because, after all, it's most likely more than alot of people will ever have.

lately i have found myself wanting. a lot. and I know I should stop, but oh I want it so badly! :)

a beautifully landscaped yard. a better looking me. updates for the house. a newer car. money to shop all the good sales. a college education. a normal family.


but...

it's likely that someone in my neighborhood, whose yard is absolutely beautiful will lose their home by the end of the year.


and i realize that dreams are different for other people. a lonely girl could have the house of my dreams, but no one to share it with. no babies to snuggle in her arms, no loving husband to hold her hand, no mother to listen to her cry without judging, no dad to hug her tight, no sisters to laugh so uncontrollably with that you snort and spit, no brothers to threaten death to anyone who dare hurt her.


someone else may naturally come by killer looks and a body to die for, but her body is too broken to let her live any semblance of a real life. and chances are she'd trade me bodies in a second for the change to just live.


i do have a car, actually we have two of them. and they work well enough. and... a nice guy i know has a brand new amazing car, but no food in his house. when given the choice i pick food for my children.


good sales happen all the time, just because I can't participate in all of them shouldn't bum me out, because i do have enough money to shop some of them.


a college degree just seems like such a far out there goal, unattainable even - given my current responsibilities. but some college graduates will never have a job as good as mine.


... and my family, well. what is normal anyhow?? probably boring and I was born a drama queen, which means i'd complain about that too! hahaha.




I may not ever 'have it all' but ... MY LIFE IS GOOD, and that is something to smile about, heck I may even dance a little. :)

Converstations with Myself

I know a lot of people "talk to themselves" well, when I (we) discuss ideas it happens in the privacy of my own head, and for good reason.

If someone or something upsets me. Usually I can talk myself "off a cliff" so to speak. I can stop confrontations, I can calm myself down and keep from making a scene, or stop myself from saying something I would regret (usually the truth, but I would regret saying it all the same).

 

 

Today that was not the case. Oops.

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda... but didn't.

I love blogging. I realize no one really reads my entries, except maybe my two sisters... but that is another post in itself. I.love.my.sisters. (Ok, maybe not a whole post, just four meaningful words broken up with punctuation for emphasis. lol.)

I enjoy blogging because I am "emotionally unstable". I bottle up my frustrations, my fears, and believe it or not most of my anxieties. (If you could just see my thoughts you'd... well, probably commit me. Like to an institution, not just the priest in a closet/porta-potty type committing.) When I write I can let it out and just relax my shoulders that always seem to feel so heavy with everyone's needs/wants/problems.

I tried scream therapy. Didn't work. Maybe I didn't try hard enough but to me screaming is never the answer. I am not a fan of yelling, and if I do it and it accomplishes something I get even more upset. So crossed out the screaming.

Taking time for myself isn't really an option these days, too much anxiety to leave my kids. Sad and crazy I know. And I wish the knowledge of something made it less so, but alas that is not the case.

Bathing alone when your bathroom door doesn't lock didn't work either.

Ice cream, well it only works til the pint... or gallon is gone. Not to mention, it brings on even more depression when you realize your fat pants are getting snug! lol.

So, I blog. I type meaningless words to pointless sentences that ramble on ... and I love it!! I should do it more, I would do it more, and quite frankly I could do it more, but I don't. But I am going to make an effort to do it more regularly, if for nothing more than a few minutes of "ahhhhh" time.

4th of July Crafts!

http://seren-zipitydoda.blogspot.com/2009/06/little-red-white-blue-project.html

http://go.tipjunkie.com/ju/378/apumpkinandaprincess.blogspot.com/2011/06/popsicle-stick-flags.html

http://july.tipjunkie.com/flag-pretzel-sticks-patriotic-theme/

http://july.tipjunkie.com/red-white-and-blue-bandana-flip-flops-crafts-for-kids/

I LOVE the Tip Junkie!! :)

Latest "Medical Condition"

Warning: Due to the graphic nature of this post it may be unsuitable for some.

I've had my fair share of health issues/problems. Don't misunderstand I am not complaining, just explaining! :) I am very blessed with good enough health. I know that I am way luckier than others I love and quite enjoy my 'amoung the living status'. But if mother nature could cut me some slack it would be appreciated! I have been menstruating (uh, I totally hate that word, just ew...) experiencing a slightly longer than normal period. And by slightly I mean I have been bleeding for 38 days (and counting). I have purchased 7 boxes of tampons. I am extremely exhausted, the whole anemic part just really isn't my thing. I've been enjoying great cramps and the joys of never-ending back pain. The whole sitch makes me grumpy-- in addition to the already moody person I am during that time of the month (or entire month, haha.)

I did go to the doctor, apparently it's a big deal. Got lots of blood test done, had an ultrasound, and well they don't know. Not the answer I was hoping for. But they did prescribe me massive amount of hormones to convince my body it was time to stop bleeding. I took 3 birth control pills in the morning each day for 3 days, didn't work. Now I am taking 6 birth control pills a day each morning for 3 days. And if that doesn't work? ... something about surgeons and pre-op appointments for exploratory surgery.? Seriously though, 6x the normal amount other women use. Sheesh. Perhaps it's time to consider a little gender reconstructive surgery. haha.

I have gotten used to the bleeding, it's like a way of life now. Annoying, gross and expensive... but I'm used to it. What I am not used to is the intense amount of hormones just raging up a storm. I am super duper sensitive to smells, I can't sleep at night cuz I feel sick and hurt all over. I am like a pregnant woman on steroids or something. I cry, I laugh, I yell, I cry some more. It's hard. I am grumpy most of the time and it seems like everything and everyone irritates me. The way people walk, talk, chew, breathe... gets me so annoyed I want to punch strangers. (I usually love people I don't know yet, so this is big.)

I would like to stop taking these pills, I would like to stop bleeding, I would like to start feeling better. I would like to be me again. I know that's not perfect either... but I'm fun at least 50% of the time when I'm not bleeding 100% of the time! lol. :)

Life Lesson: Attitudes

Whether we like it or not, our attitudes affect those around us. And yes, of course I have heard the saying "You are responsible for your own feelings, no one can make you feel that way". What a dumb saying! I understand the principle behind it, we are ultimately in charge of our own happiness. That's great, it really is. But tell me you can be around habitually negative people and it not affect your mood. How long can you listen to whining, complaining and arguing without getting irked? How many days in a row can you witness bad attitudes and annoying tantrums without getting irritated? How many insulting comments does it take before you start feeling negative yourself?

Well, the solution to that problem is simple. Stay away from those people. Surround yourself with positive people. People who make you smile and laugh. People who are rockin' the same happy vibes that you love... But what if you can't. What if that person isn't someone you can just avoid. What if that someone is your child?

I realize as a parent it is my responsibility to help this child, to teach him how to look at the world in a more positive way. To see the good in things even when it seems impossible. To always try your best and to be happy with yourself so others will want to be around you. If nothing else at least filter the inappropriate comments that hurt and offend others. To be able to speak in a way that is an acceptable form of communication.

But no matter what I try, it doesn't work. I role-play, I correct, I encourage, I explain, I reward, I punish, I ignore, I can literally talk til I am blue in the face... and just when it seems I've broken through, perhaps something stuck... Wham-o... back to square one. Over and over, day after day, week after week, month after month, year... after.... year.

So long story short. Our attitudes can and do affect and influence those around us.

ps. I appologize for my negative attitude! hahaha. :)