Christmas Advent Calendar

This year I decided to do an advent calendar for Christmas. So much fun!! Here is a list of the activites we did this time.

Day 1: Popcorn, Sprite and the Dora Christmas movie in Mimi's Bed. Then playing "Freeze!" after. (Not what was planned, but when you are offered a kid-free grocery run you improvise! lol)

Day 2: Christmas Countdown Chain, holiday music and homemade apple pie!!

Day 3: Green Rice Krispy Treat Trees with Red Sprinkles!! What a fun Christmas Treat, the kids LOVED it... so did mommy. :)

Day 4: Gingerbread people then Glue and Glitter Snowflakes! 

Day 5: Made green "white caramel" popcorn and go through closets and drawers to find clothes and shoes that we don't use or no longer fit us to donate to the Homeless Shelter later this week.



Day 6: Put up our Christmas Tree and get started decorating the house for the Holidays!! :) I say get started because it's going to be a 3 day process for sure!!



Day 7: Charlie Brown Christmas Movie and warm chocolate chip cookies! :)



Day 8: Put up our outside Christmas lights and decorations, then a cup of mimi's hot chocolate delight (hot chocolate, marshmellows and a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Yummy!!) then Christmas books before bed. :)



Day 9: Snow (Muddy) Buddies and Handprint Reindeer Headbands


Day 10: Christmas craft was a bust (too advanced for my little ones to really enjoy), but they had a great time doing a little indoor sledding then eating homemade popcorn, with chocolate chips and marshmellows! :)
 
Day 11: Visit Santa and his Reindeer!! Then home to make No Bake (Reindeer Poop) Cookies ... Seriously fun, even with whinny kids! :)
 
Day 12:  Made some AWESOME puffy paint Christmas T-shirts and ate Christmas M&M chocolate chip cookies!!!




Day 13: Read book "Santa Letters" then write our own.

Day 14: Family Night at the Movies!! Tangled here we come :)

Day 15: Christmas Fridge Magnets and Mimi's Monster Cookies!! :)




Day 16: Christmas Sun Catchers

Day 17: Toilet Paper Roll Snowmen

Day 18: Snickerdoodles and 'Shrek the Halls' Movie. :)


Day 19: Foam Ornaments

Day 20: Diego Saves Christmas with Holiday Popcorn Tin

Day 21: Night Before Christmas Book

Day 22: Bake LOTS and LOTS of holiday goodies.

Day 23: Deliver Christmas treats to neighbors and family.

Day 24: Christmas Eve Dinner and pajama presents.
Day 25: CHRISTMAS DAY!!

(Day 26: Day II of opening presents with the 1/2 siblings)

What a great Holiday season. It was so so much fun!! I need to incorporate a little more religion into the celebration of it all next time, but for my first time trying I would say it was a success!!! Can't wait til next Christmas!

Random Thought/Confessions: Pee

Sometimes I feel like I have to pee -- I head to the little girls room and take a seat only to realize that I really didn't need to go that bad. In fact, to the flush the toilet after peeing so little would be an immense waste of resources. So... I don't! :)

Battlestar Galactica

I know what you are thinking, me .... sci-fy nerd .... really?! Well, I am as shocked as you are, trust me!

It all started because my husband, a known sci-fy junkie was watching the series. At first I mocked him, who wouldn't?! lol. But then I started to catch a few scenes here and there as I went about my day. I found myself reluctant to leave the room on several occasions. And then it happened. I saw a whole episode and I was hooked.

Starbuck (coolest girl in fake history!) is shot down by a Cylon Raider and abandons ship on a hostile planet. She seeks shelter in the downed raider and discovers that it is a living organism. She figures out how to fly it and makes her way back to Galactica. Adama and Apollo (captain of the fleet and his way good looking son) have launched a dangerous rescue mission and are trying to find Starbuck. Then the crazy President Roslin (so not a fan of her) finds out that they are putting the fleet at risk, she puts the kibash on the whole plan. Just as the fleet is about to leave, a lone cylon raider appears. Lee (aka Apollo) tries to shoot it down but it outmaneuvers him until he is able to see its underbelly -- Starbuck has written her name on it.  AMAZING!!  And that is leaving out the whole Helo and Boomer (a Cylon!) adventure on Caprica!  Wow.

My name is Sarah Ray, and I am addicted to Battlestar Galactica.

Attention

Usually, I love attention. I do. In the past I have acted out for it, lied to get it and sometimes flat out asked for it. But the attention given to me after this tragedy is not something I am a fan of.

It's nice to know people care... and I love each one of them for it. I really do. But if we could all get it over with already, enough sad looks aimed in my direction when someone says a word that may remind me I lost my little girl, enough lingering hugs, enough "drop bys" to check on me. Enough. I am trying to move on, and it's really hard to do so when I keep being dragged back into my pain. :(

Little Lily

Dear Lily,

I love you, and I can not wait to hold you in my arms. I know one day it will happen and until then I will forever be greatful for the short time we shared together.

Love,

Your Mom

in my father's arms

Today has been a rough one for me. I found out that our unborn baby girl, our little Lily, does have spina bifida. They do not know how severe it is, or what her complications will be. But they do know, without a doubt, she has the birth defect.

I had a feeling there was something wrong during the ultrasound... the technician was super peppy and very talkative until she started measuring Lily's spine. She immediately stopped talking me through her measurements and started clicking away, and once she began speaking again her speech took on a strained tone.

The doctor walked into the room and confirmed my biggest fear... Spina Bifida. My 1% chance turned into a 100% sure thing in a few seconds. His manner of conversation was off putting as always but I didn't much care at that point, I just wanted to know what to expect, what to do next, where did I do go from here... but he had no answers for me. No odds this time. 

The rest of the appointment was a blur, I was immediately nauseous and focused all my energy on trying to stay composed. I dug my thumbnails into the skin of my other fingers to transfer my thoughts from my eyes welling up with tears to the pain I was voluntarily creating. I thanked him for his time and walked out of the office like a zombie. I made it out into the hall, down the elevator and to the exterior doors before the tears started streaming down my cheeks. I could barely see when I made it to the car. I unlocked the door and slumped into the seat. I sat there blank for a minute before I just relaxed and let the pain, fear and anxiety just explode out of me. I have never heard myself cry like that before... it is not a pretty sound! I noted it and kept going. I sat there wailing and praying and trying to decide how long I was going to let this go on. The crying stopped, I don't know how long it lasted but it stopped and I fell into a numb state of being. I couldn't call my husband, he was in class and if I called him, it would just stress him out, and bad news could wait. But I needed to talk to someone, so I called my mom. She was immediately on her way to me, regardless of my assurance I was ok to drive. She showed up jumped in the car and hugged me. My darling mother, with her always ready to listen ears and shoulder to cry on.

My father brought her to me. I half expected him to wave to me from the car as he drove away, not sure why, he isn't that kind of man and definitely not that kind of father. He walked straight to me, and not saying a word he took me into his arms. I had managed to not cry again until that point. Then as he held me the pain I had buried earlier resurfaced, but this time it had an outlet. I sobbed uncontrollably as he held me; and as I cried into his shoulder it felt as if he was taking it on for me... if only for a second, it wasn't my burden to bear anymore. It was the most comforting thing I could have asked for, and yet I didn't have to ask. He was just there for me. In that moment I was 4 again and he had just picked me up because I fell off my bike. In my father's arms was just where I needed to be.

Happiness Is...

Our world is full of negativity and depression lately. There is horror and sadness on every news station. It seems like devastation and destruction line our newspaper headings everyday, and our families and friends are constantly being attacked by unforeseeable enemies. So it's no wonder happiness can be a hard thing to find if you don't know where to look. To me happiness is:

watching my babies play and listening to their laughter
sugar free red bull at just the right time of day
baking cookies and not caring about the mess
grocery shopping date nights
finding a really good coupon and using it
making a delicious dinner everyone enjoys
having all the dirty laundry off the floor
talking about the future with the man of my dreams
playing cards at GG's with the girls
freezing cold ice water
donating to a good cause
sleeping past 6:30 am
a walk/bike ride with the family
having a clean car to drive
Shellie's vacuum cleaner
watching my brothers play football
having waxed eyebrows
a babysitter my kids adore
sincere thank yous
lime green fingernail polish

My list really could go on and on... but you get the point. :) If you look for happiness you can find it in every day's littlest things.

Trying to lead a "Libra Life"

Libra is the only astrological sign that is not human-ish or an animal. The sign for Libra is the scales, balanced scales. I am a Libra, in fact I am right in the middle of the dates which are 9/23 to 10/23 - my birthday is 10/10, so I'm pretty much the ultimate Libra, if you will. :) So why can I not achieve balance?

There are so many aspects to one's life; Kids, Marriage, Family, Church, Education, Charity, Health, Fitness, Finance, Home Life, Social Life, etc. And in addition to/or along with each category are many roles to play; Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Grand-daughter, Niece, Cousin, Friend, Neighbor. It seems the harder I try to find balance in my busy life the further from it I get. Perhaps if I didn't try so hard things would fall into place... but that is a tough concept to believe. If I don't actively try to have a social life, it won't happen. If I just go on about my daily responsibilities my husband gets neglected.  And when I make time for me to relax I feel guilty because I am ignoring something else that needs to be done.

I want to be a well-rounded individual if for nothing more than to act as a model for my children to follow but it is extremely hard to achieve. I guess it's one of those "fake it 'til you make it" parts of life. :) In which case... I am doing alright for now! lol.

"Dr. Drama" episode 2

Back to the series of phone calls...

My first one was around 10:00am. It was my doctor himself. He called to inform me that he had seen the results from my blood work (interesting fact: they tell you it will take 7 to 10 days and he called me within 2 days, lol). He wanted to let me know he had some concerns about my pregnancy. He then proceeded to tell me that my child has a 1 in 138 chance of having Spina Bifida, the average is usually 1 in 1,000 so he wanted to do some more tests and take some extra precautions. He then continued on and on about the worst possible scenarios and how it was important to be prepared and carefully monitor this pregnancy. He first told me he was going to schedule a Type II Ultrasound immediately to see where along the spine the problem was in order to make the necessary arrangements. Fetal surgery in 8 weeks at a Hospital in Nashville, Tennessee. (This is when they cut me open, take the baby out, operate on her and then put her back in for a few more weeks.) Then I would delivery at Children's Hospital in Seattle with a team of Neurologists 6 weeks after the surgery. This would give my baby the greatest chance of a normal life... if it's the right type of spina bifida. But on another hand it may not be necessary because they child might die before then too. Wow. Thanks. He then told me to go research it online so I could be prepared and educated. Umm... he must have missed the part on my chart about me being unmediated and crazy. Jabali tried to down play the whole thing for me so my anxiety wouldn't take over, and for the most part it worked. Even though my odds are much, much higher than the average woman's it is still less than a 1% chance my baby will be born with spina bifida. So if I gave birth 138 times, only one of those children would be affected. ... it helped a little bit.
A few hours later, when I had calmed down for the most part.. I had a nurse call and remind me all over again and inform me when my next appointment was. I did not get the option to reschedule. It was the very next available appointment and it was more of a polite demand than a request. I agreed and put it on the calendar. Even though it means I will be going alone, and have to find babysitters for my kids, and ask Jackie to find someone to watch Connor, and I'll be late for Jabali II's football game (the one game that his mom just happens to be coming down from Seattle for). Ah stress. Lovely.

A few hours later I got a call from a Neonatal Specialist who set up another no rescheduling available appointment for an ultrasound of their own, and a follow up appointment exactly 2 weeks later, always on the worst day of the week possible. 

What I don't understand is how other people can have normal pregnancies? Maybe everyone else has just as many complications I just don't hear about them. It just seems like mine are so hard. Not only am I sick most of the 9 months, I have to get off my precious mood stabilizing medications and try my best to act normal for the other members of my family THEN on top of that my babies are sick in someway. Quinn wasn't developing at the normal levels and was most likely going to die before being born. Marley had a diaphragmatic hernia and was going to have surgery immediately after she was born and every 5 years thereafter, and now this baby has spina bifida. That's a lot for a crazy pregnant girl to take in. Now Quinn and Marley are perfectly healthy and happy kids. And odds are this new baby will be too. But WHY the drama? Whatever happened to the natural progression of things? "Oh you are pregnant! Hooray for you, enjoy your pregnancy" "It's a girl! Congratulations." Not for me I guess. Such is life. :) 

I am still overly stressed out and beside myself on what to think, or do but I am going to stay positive, keep thinking happy and healthy thoughts and try to lead people to believe I am not on the verge of tears at any given second of the day. lol.

"Dr. Drama" episode 1

I am not a fan of my newest doctor. Not one bit. I am sure he is a great person and doctor; many people don't need good bedside manner from their doctors and he is perfect for those people. Not an un-medicated anxiety ridden/OCD/Bi-polar Princess like myself.

Today I received a series of calls regarding the soon-to-be newest addition to the Ray Family. However, we are not going to start there. Let me take you back a couple of days, Wednesday afternoon to be exact.

My "quick" OB check was schedule for 2:40pm. I showed up five minutes early and checked in... sat down and patiently waited for my appointment. About 30 minutes later I realized the people who were in the waiting room with me had now changed. Fifteen minutes after that I noticed that some of the women who arrived with or shortly after me were now leaving from their appointments. Finally my name was called. The nurse quickly took my vitals, I peed in the proverbial cup and was escorted to the exam room to wait once again. I waited and waited then waited some more. One hour and 3 parenting magazines later the Doctor made his appearance. He then explained the tests I would be doing in the lab downstairs immediately following my appointment with him. He explained it in so much detail that even if this was my first child it would have been over-kill. After talking at me for 10 minutes he checked the babies heart beat, said "sounds good". Then looked over my chart and said, "Well, you really need to be monitored for the untreated bi-polar disorder, so you are going to need to see someone about that." Ummm... hello Doctor?! (Apparently he misunderstood the purpose of the visit.) I had already decided to pick a new doctor so I wasn't going to mention anything. The next 10 minutes included him typing, v..e..r..y s..l..o..w..l..y on his teeny tiny lap top. Then he just abruptly got up and left, as I was contemplating whether or not I was done, the nurse entered the room with prescriptions and instructions to head down to the lab to get some blood drawn.

I go down to the lab, and am instructed to take a seat. Ugh. This wait this time was much shorter and the visit was too, no unnecessary lectures on statistics... it was just in, poke and out. Just the way I like it! lol.

I walked out of the facility at 4:50pm. 2 HOURS and 10 MINUTES after my scheduled appointment time. That's not even the best part... during all of my tedious waiting my poor husband was in a panic. You see my cell phone died at 3:00 (which exponentially increased my boredom by the way). BUT an hour into my 15 minute check-up he started to get worried. So he called the doctor's office to check on me. The kind receptionist informed him they checked me out at 3:20. I hadn't even seen the doctor and they told my husband I had left!!!

Being fully aware of just how "special" I am while pregnant he went into panic mode, thinking the worst possible scenarios: perhaps I received bad news and wasn't thinking clearly... or I was distracted and got into a horrible car accident, whatever it was something had happened to me because I don't just disappear. And he was stuck at home helpless. Thankfully that was not the case; I was just incredibly annoyed, but safe nonetheless. But because he was unaware of this he called everyone we knew to see if they had heard from me, or knew my whereabouts -- no one did. Then he called our cell phone carrier and had a tracker set up for my phone in the off chance it could locate me regardless of a dead battery -- it could not. So he went upstairs to flag down someone driving by our house in order to get our suburban jump started so he could go looking for me. Just then I pulled in... it was obvious he had been pacing. I watched his pale face (which if you know my husband, is saying ALOT.lol) quickly fill with color and his expression soften then turn to confusion as tried (quite unsuccessfully) to calmly question me about my appointment and any problems that arose. When I said, "Other than the wait everything was fine." He took a deep breath and realizing I was "normal" today expressed his last hour of sheer panic and stress. Poor guy, it really made me want to call and scream at the receptionist for putting my husband through hell, but I realized it wouldn't help and just decided to fold laundry and cry a little.

Life Lessons: Weed Whackers

Life is full of learning curves. Today's learning moment is thanks to weed whackers:

#1. Shorts and flip flops are a no no.

#2. Weed whackers shoot things at you at incredible speeds ... those things hurt.

#3. Before you turn on one you should know how to turn it off.

#4. Trimming half of your yard may not be a glass half-full situation. It looks bad.

Oh weed whacker... one day we will be friends, today was NOT that day! :)

September 1st

Oh I can not wait!! I love the begining of September, almost as much as New Years!! It too is a new begining of sorts. A new school year, a return to schedules and order, the begining of fall and upcoming events just around the corner: school, my birthday, halloween, thanksgiving, christmas, new years, and on and on... the fun just keeps going. Hooray, hooray, horray!!

Today's To Do List

Today's list is super exciting. Not! But... it's all gotta get done. :) ... perferably before the hubs gets home. I'm gonna need a Redbull.

CLEAN/ORGANIZE
load dishwasher
clean/wash counters
sweep kitchen floor
mop kitchen floor
clean and sweep entry, hall, landing and stairs
swiffer the upstairs
upstairs bathroom
downstairs bathroom
my bedroom
kids room
organize toys
put together donation box
x and jii's bedroom re-organization part 1
livingroom
wash laundry ***
fold and put all washed laundry away
make all the beds
vacuum carpet and rug
spray flys inside
clean up playground and yard

FOOD
breakfast
morning snack
lunch
afternoon snack
dinner
bedtime snack
plan next weeks menu
write shopping list

MISC.
put ping pong table in garage
set up new hallway display with pictures
get mail
print out budget for next two weeks
order Quinn's birthday supplies

SUNDAY
get quiet time activites for church ready
put together diaper bag and books
bag snacks for little kids
wash and iron church clothes for everyone
announce family dinner at 6pm

Dora and Diego

Just a quick shout out.

Thank you Dora and Diego and Boots (of course) for teaching my son just enough spanish to really confuse me. He was telling me abajo today, and I was like "Say What?" I barely understand his slurred english and now we are doing spanish too. lol. :) So funny.

TV after 9pm.

Wow. Television after 9pm is AWFUL. You don't realize how offensive things are until there is a 10 year old sitting next to you. Talk about uncomfortable! My husband doesn't even notice it, but I get this awful pit in my stomach and start scrambling for a remote (to the total disdain of everyone else in the room). J always accuses me of acting naive because kids see and hear much worse in public school classrooms, but I am not being naive. I know that filth is out there and I am not pretending they don't hear or see things BUT... I just want our home to be a refuge from the filth. I don't want them to get an extra dose of gross when with us. Like that?!? hahaha... oh I think I am so funny sometimes. hahaha.

Sounds like a great time to updat the 'ol Ray Family Rules. :)

If I didn't hate you... I think I'd love you.

Do you ever think "If you weren't my sister (brother/cousin/child/etc) I wouldn't like you." It goes the same way for people we hate ... I think. If I didn't hate them I'm pretty sure I would love them. It's too bad life puts us on opposite sides of a table sometimes. One day when all is said and done, and none of it matters anymore I think some of my biggest enemies will become my good friends.

Hairy Legs

I love my hairy legs.

I didn't always have them you know. I used to shave them religiously. Sometimes twice a day, depending on that evening's list of activities. (Boy do I love activities!)

But now that I am a mom I can never find the time. Sometimes I'll start to shave, because I think I have a little extra time in the shower only to hear little fists pounding on the door... screaming for thier ma-mom. *sigh*

At first it was a bit embarrasing to always have hairy legs not to mention annoying, but now it's cool. That's right, you heard it here first... shaving your legs is out. Hairy is in!!

me

all in a day's work

My to-do list's are forever long... they always have been. Everything I can think of that needs done gets written down. Some people would find it overwhelming yet I enjoy knowing everything has been acknowledged.

The sad thing is that at the end of the day, the things I wanted to do the most were left for last and didn't find a place in my busy day. Things like scrapbooking, walking to the park with the kids, exercising, taking a relaxing bath while reading a chapter in my book. ... the things I do for me.... the things that make ME happy.

So what did I spend my day doing, well ... phone calls, bills, organizing, the never ending tidying up, loads and loads of dishes, the huge mounds of laundry that seem to be in every room, taking out the trash, vaccuuming, sweeping, mopping, etc. And while it does feel good to get them done, I ignored my family and myself to accomplish it.

I feel like I take on too much responsibility, because if I don't do it... who will? Sounds like its time for a chore chart!

The "Evil" Stepmother

I have long said I should write a book about the TRUTH behind the Cinderella Story, the evil stepmother's point of view. Perhaps one day I will. But I would just like to point out that there are always two sides to every story. We are only getting one version and whose to say it is the truth?! Quite frankly I believe Cinderella was a bitch. Her father's family didn't want her after he passed away. Wonder why? Well... she was a problem child (please know that to say problem child is to just to be polite, unbelievably f'd up is more politically correct). She was a liar, ungrateful, rude and caused all kinds of problems. Not limited to assaulting teachers and children half their age. Lets not leave out a general disdain for honesty and overall lack of respect. Her poor step mother volunteered to help this child only to go down in history as "evil". How unfortunate.