This weekend the boys are suppose to be with their mothers in Seattle. This happens every other weekend. It's not a difficult or confusing schedule, pretty simple really. If you didn't see your child last weekend it means you will see him this weekend.
Corrin forgot it was her weekend to see her son, again. This is the second time in a row. Not the second time ever mind you. This happens constantly. When X called to talk to her about their weekend together, she decided she wasn't going to be able to take him "on such short notice". Apparently forgetting you haven't seen your child in a month is a good enough excuse to absolve her responsibilities as a mother.
Jabali called her to find out what was going on, why she decided to repudiate her child this time. She was appalled that we thought she didn't want to see her son, because oh my gosh, she did want to see him, she really misses him. Her exact words were: "You don't think I want to see him? I do, I really want to see him. I want him to be with me all the time. I hate that he lives so far away from me." She went on and on about how desperately she misses him and how she's so depressed she can't see him play football and blah, blah, blah... then she started making excuses for herself, "I forgot." "You don't know what's going on in my life". "I would do anything to see him"..... Hmmm. I call bullshit.
1) If my child didn't live with me and I was so heart-broken without him I wouldn't forget when it was my weekend to have him. Never, not ever. If you are genuinely looking forward to something you don't forget. You don't.
2) You'd do anything to see him? Really? Yeah, well obviously not, or you'd see him. The distance isn't an issue, don't lie. We lived 20 minutes from her and she'd still never see him. And she doesn't even drive to get him, Hannah takes him from us and drops him off to her... then picks him back up again.
3) Thinking excuses excuse your behavior is juvenile. You are an adult, act like it. Just because your life is hard you think it gives you a pass on any spending time with your child? It doesn't. Who's life isn't hard? I still take care of my children, including her son regardless of whatever my current issues are. And I don't need to know about what's going on in her life. It's none of my business. What is my business is that she refuses to see her son the 4 days a month she's scheduled to. The last time he went to see his mom he ended up spending the entire weekend with his aunt, his mom didn't even come visit him.
In the mandatory parenting class they discuss how important it is that children spend time with each parent and if the child doesn't want to go you have to make them, otherwise they have emotional issues later in life. I never thought you'd have to force a mother to see her child.
Jabali asked if a reminder email would help her remember her weekends... she said, "Umm, I guess you could try that. It might help." OH MY GOSH. It "might help"?! Wow. Pitiful. Just thinking about the pain she's caused Xavior makes me sick to my stomach. And I have been dealing with this miserable situation for 5 years now, and it doesn't get any easier. I wish I could just get over it, but every time she does this to him the memories of a heartbroken little boy sobbing in my arms because his mom was too busy for him again prevents me from getting over it. Thankfully he's starting to see the light, I don't make up excuses for her anymore and he knows what a mom should be like. He doesn't even want to go there most of the time. He has more fun here at home with us. What kills me is that she won't change and she's too selfish to realize she's hurting him. Or maybe she does and she doesn't care. Such a pathetic human being and an even worse mother. Oh well, no one's life is perfect and everyone has trials... hopefully it will help him to be an amazing father to his own children. Plus, his father and I love him, at least he has us! :)
3) Thinking excuses excuse your behavior is juvenile. You are an adult, act like it. Just because your life is hard you think it gives you a pass on any spending time with your child? It doesn't. Who's life isn't hard? I still take care of my children, including her son regardless of whatever my current issues are. And I don't need to know about what's going on in her life. It's none of my business. What is my business is that she refuses to see her son the 4 days a month she's scheduled to. The last time he went to see his mom he ended up spending the entire weekend with his aunt, his mom didn't even come visit him.
In the mandatory parenting class they discuss how important it is that children spend time with each parent and if the child doesn't want to go you have to make them, otherwise they have emotional issues later in life. I never thought you'd have to force a mother to see her child.
Jabali asked if a reminder email would help her remember her weekends... she said, "Umm, I guess you could try that. It might help." OH MY GOSH. It "might help"?! Wow. Pitiful. Just thinking about the pain she's caused Xavior makes me sick to my stomach. And I have been dealing with this miserable situation for 5 years now, and it doesn't get any easier. I wish I could just get over it, but every time she does this to him the memories of a heartbroken little boy sobbing in my arms because his mom was too busy for him again prevents me from getting over it. Thankfully he's starting to see the light, I don't make up excuses for her anymore and he knows what a mom should be like. He doesn't even want to go there most of the time. He has more fun here at home with us. What kills me is that she won't change and she's too selfish to realize she's hurting him. Or maybe she does and she doesn't care. Such a pathetic human being and an even worse mother. Oh well, no one's life is perfect and everyone has trials... hopefully it will help him to be an amazing father to his own children. Plus, his father and I love him, at least he has us! :)
3 comments:
He's super lucky to have you! You are willing to keep him there and enjoy him!
I think it's impossible for a mom (who's REALLY a mom) to understand and relate to someone who had a baby but doesn't take care of them or seem to truly care. It's just not logical. Sure, women aren't known for logic (generally), but everyone knows that if you become a parent you are supposed to love and care for your kids.
I really can't imagine the reaction he must have. I have heard of this sort of thing often (it happens to my best friend's son all the time whose dad lives 'all the way' in Moses Lake - it's just so far away! And he moved there with his wife and son. Nice, real nice.)
It is awfully hard to remember those sorts of things. Does she remember to put on her pants everyday? Does she check her email and brush her teeth and eat every day? Oh, so it's NOT that hard to remember you happen to have a kid and he's not just at boarding school (your house is WAY better anyway!)
Sorry, I wrote a lot. Make sure to take pictures and email them to her. What a brat.
I love that you wrote so much! And thanks for the support. :) I know of a couple other dad's that do this to their children too and it's heartbreakingly sad for these kids. It makes me wanna shake people or at least throw things at them. lol.
Yeah, you may remember that I'm a rambler....We had some pretty long phone conversations back in the day!
Imagine the texting we would have done!
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