Baking Bread

I used to love baking bread. I prefer it to store bread, it's so fresh, tasty and heathy. But someone discouraged me one too many times. Not because of the taste (my recipe is delish!) it was time consuming and not all that cost effective when compared to the cheap store brand white bread. So I gave it up in pursuit of other things. I have missed it. Today I read an article on one of my FAVORITE blogs, and I've decided to take it back up. :) Can't wait to find and try new recipes too.

Here's the article:
http://getbuttonedup.com/2011/07/25/should-a-working-mom-find-time-to-make-bread-too/

While you are there, take a look around. You will love that Sarah too! :)

My own brand of 'Reality Tv'

I don't know who Snooky is, I don't know where "The Hills" are, I assume Beverly Hills, but that just occurred me as I wrote this sentence, lol. I am not ashamed to admit it! I really am clueless about all things Reality Tv. Runway what? Who's Big Brother?

I don't even watch my once 'never-miss-an-episode' fave show Survivor. It just doesn't interest me. Here's what does:

Real life "Reality Tv". Reading random blogs about random people and their random real life situations, drama, problems, loves, affairs, work, marriages, friendships, obsessions, etc.

Weird? Yes. Very. But so is sticking a bunch of famous people and/or strangers in a house and having them fight for some fake opportunity to work for a overweight balding man with a terrible comb-over.

To each their own. :)

Puppies?!

So our beloved Kenzie is once again 'expecting'. The silly slut... oops, I mean mutt just can't help getting knocked up every year. Last year it was a really sad ordeal. The puppies were too big and she couldn't do it on her own. She had 5 puppies. None survived. There was an emergency vet visit, hundreds of dollars Shellie and I  paid, and Kenzie almost died. That's a pretty big deal. So I am currently hosting "Puppy Watch 2011".

If she moves to much in her crate or something goes bump in the night I check on her. Jabali cleaned out her kennel, washed her blankets and set up a nice birthing area for her in the living room... and now we are just waiting. and watching. and checking. and stressing. Well, I am stressing. Everyone else thinks I am being overly dramatic, which is totally true most of the time but in this case quite justified in my (albeit crazy) mind.

Today alone I have made Mom and Jabali come listen to her breathing (twice). When she squatted to take a poop outside I was convinced she was having babies and made Jabali get out of the swimming pool and go check. I follow her around, feed her spicy food, take her outside to walk in the yard.   

I just wish she'd hurry up and have them so I could move on to obsessively stress over else! Something a little less life and death would be nice. :)

Today

So many fun things happened today. Marley my little diva -- who has been wearing nothing but big puffy dress up dresses for a solid week now -- built a tall princess tower out of blocks with me. It was so fun. The best part? When I added the stairs into the tower, she got really excited, put her fist out to me and said "woo hoo mom!! pound it!" lol. She has many, many funny sayings lately all thanks to Uncle Brad. :)

While playing Zingo with Quinn -- his all time favorite game right now-- he tried to give me one of his pieces so I could be a winner too. I kept losing. I usually make him lose a few rounds so he can understand games can still be fun even if you don't win everytime, but this time I couldn't win! And he felt bad for me. lol. I did eventually win one round, barely!! And when I won he said "good one mom" and gave me a high five. Life lesson learned.  

I cleaned the kitchen- twice, did 5 loads of laundry, applied to CBC, printed coupons, played preschool, ran errands and even worked a few hours. Pretty bitchin' day.

Rampant Enthusiast for.... *wait for it*....

WEIGHT LOSS!

Eh, say what!? Well, I can now feel my double (rapidly increasing in size) chin. Before I could just see it in pictures, mirrors... reflections in water haha. That was discouraging. But now, oh boy... I can feel it. The uncomfortable way my chin rests my neck... yeah, that bothers me. Today Marley tried to hold it up for me. Such a sweet girl. lol.

Steph's adorable already. And now mom and Shels are on this healthy get fit kick. It's great. I am jealous. Unfortunately I do not have extra money for miracle fat burners, or expensive supplements or $1200 to pay a personal trainer for motivation. Not that I would necessary do it even if I had the money. But I have never been much of a "group exerciser". I prefer to go it alone or with a same-level partner. Someone who I don't feel the need to dress up for, who doesn't care that I didn't brush my teeth or am still wearing underwear from 2 days ago (don't judge me, :) it happens.)

BUT, all theatrics aside. I am going for it.

It's going to happen people. I will tag along, I will put exercise on my to-do list. I will eat less carbs and more protien. I will lose weight. IT.IS.GOING.TO.HAPPEN. Come hell (in the form of tiny cans of oh-so-disgusting tuna by the ton) or high-water, it will happen. :) I am excited to be hot again.

Now I need some attainable goals to keep me going.

... and pretty new running shoes!!

Great Friends Last Forever

It has been said that strong friends go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship. These friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live, and they don't hold grudges. They understand that life is busy -- and you will ALWAYS love them.

I have a few of these friends and I love them dearly for loving me enough to understand I suck at life sometimes!! :)

Morning.

Not a 'Good Morning'... but not necessarily a totally bad morning either. Just morning. Feels like it came to soon. Hopefully I can shake this funky feeling and turn my frown upside down and smile my day away!! :)

... happily ever after?

There was a time that I began to dislike how every movie ended happily ever after. Closer, one of my favorites, was the first movie that I had ever seen that did not have a happily ever after. I loved it. Jabali hated it. I tried to explain to him that it was a grown up love story. People fell in love, made mistakes and it ended in a very real life way; no one was happy.

Reality is Disney screwed us.

Seriously, we grew up with girls like Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Belle, Jasmine and Ariel. Other than being flawless [which provided us with the foundation on which we'd later build our unrealistic obsession of 'true' beauty] each of them had their happily ever after.

Now, here's the funny thing. The movie ends after they get married.

You don't get to see Cinderella yelling at Prince Charming (for the 3rd time that week) to clean up after himself. They never explain that Aladdin has been sleeping on the couch because he forgot an anniversary. I mean could you just imagine the look on Belle's face after she fell into the toilet... again?! They just sum it up... and they lived happily ever after.

I think they are speaking in an overall kinda way. Most of the time she was happy and even though they didn't always like each other, they never ever forgot they loved each other... well, after the kids moved out. haha.

Enjoying my happily ever after. ;)

Forgive and Forget

Everyone at some point or another has had mean things said about them. It's true. Whether it was said to your face or behind your back it has happened. Most likely more than once. So, it really is no big deal, right? I mean, it happens to everyone so why the hoopla? Why not let it go... forgive and forget. Move on.

Forgive and forget. Wouldn't that be a blessing? ... and a curse? Just think about it, if you forgot what you learned from every painful expierence you've ever had you'd be doomed to repeat the same situations over and over.

Don't misunderstand me, I have totally forgiven and forgetten, completely. I remember being sad or mad, but can't for the life of me remember why. Silly things happen, between cousins that will always be sisters, sisters who will always be best friends, sometimes even  friends you've just met. Countless dumb things for dumb reasons. Can't really remember ...  because I forgot!! lol.

Sometimes I won't let myself forget. I will forgive but to forget is to make myself too vulnerable. Like an old once upon a time, amazingly awesome, two peas in a pod, kind of "friend", who in one of my darkest moments posted something negative about me as a comment on facebook... another "friend" sent me a link to the comment showing her face next to the comment she swore up and down she didn't make when confronted about it. I didn't bother to prove it to her. She denied it. That showed me who she really is, any further discussion wouldn't make a difference. But what followed the simple mean remark was a horror film of backstabbing reality I can't forget. Do I still talk to her? Yes. Are we friends? No. But I still love her and pray for her continued happiness in life. I forgave her, but I can not... no, will not forget.

Other situations, well ... they need outside intervention. One time, one guy. I haven't forgiven. The pain, embarrassment, betrayal too deep... too real. I have forgiven as much as I can... and, I know I need to be better at it, he even asked for forgiveness, not directly to me. Years later he ran into my sister. He had changed his life around, and appeared to be genuinely sorry for what happened and told her to pass along his deep regrets for what happened so long ago. I don't talk about, I try not to remember it. And quite franky, I am just glad it wasn't me he ran into. I will forgive him, I'm sure I will eventually, but quite frankly that one's gonna involve therapy and Jesus. :)

Life is full of hard lessons, but life is good. Focus on the positive, and do your best to learn from your mistakes and whatever trials that come your way.  Plus... too much worry, stress and negativity give you the kind of wrinkles that no cream can smooth out. :)

The Bedtime Snack

At our house we usually have 3 main meals and 2 snacks a day. Breakfast, Lunch, Afternoon Snack, Dinner and a Bedtime Snack. I have met many people opposed to the idea of a bedtime snack; "you are teaching them a bad habit", "they aren't going to sleep as well", "they are going to get fat". Here is why I don't worry about those "things" and why I LOVE the bedtime snack...

1. I know for a fact they are not going to bed hungry. This to me is HUGE. I can't stand the idea of my children being hungry.

2. It is a simple, healthy snack not a meal. No overload on sugar or obscene amounts of food. Usually some popcorn, fruit slices, bread cubes, Nutri-grain bars... or something along those lines. Also, it's a proven fact that eating less food more often is healthier than 3 larger meals and starving yourself in between them.

2. They are so active during the day that I am not worried about them consuming too many calories. Not to mention, most of my children are underweight or have weird eating patterns due to medications or picky taste buds, so even the 'extra' calories are good for them. In fact, it was a pediatrician who inspired this delightful tradition in the first place.

3. My kids sleep fine. Not great but who can say their toddlers sleep through the night, every night? It gets easier with age, not the number of hours after eating. And quite frankly, I get far less complaints about bedtime now than before we started the bedtime snack.

4. It's a great bonding time. We get to kick back and relax, recap our favorite parts of the day or enjoy a little movie while munching on some of our favorites treats.  

The Bedtime Snack, my favorite meal of the day! :)

Back to School Shopping

It's that time again. Back to School time. Yes, I realize it's still the first week of August and technically we still have a few more weeks left but school starts at the end of THIS month.

I have recently learned that now is the time to shop for school supplies. I know what you are thinking: "Really? Why so early?" Well the ads that are put out with all the deals companies are running is based on the East Coast, and their schools start early this month. So if you wait til just before school starts you might not be able to find everything on your list, and even if you do find it you will be paying full retail price. $2.49 for a pack of pencils when you can get them at Office Max for .01 cent this week. $2.99 for a 24 pack of crayons that you can get right now for .24 cents at multiple locations.

I will be shopping this week for all the school supplies for Jess and my boys, and getting the at home art supplies I will use over the next 6 months. Maybe a few stocking stuffers... crayons, markers, books. I will also be picking as many 'extra' supplies I can afford to buy and donate them to our local elementary school kindergarten classes. Sounds like I am a giving individual right? Well, kinda.

I do LOVE participating in charity events... and rarely have an ulterior motive but this time I do have another reason. :) Why donate to the elementary school? In case I am not making enough money to put Quinn and Marley in private school right away. If I donate supplies, box tops, and volunteer at PTA events people will know me. And I want to have my name established so my children will get special treatment. It happens people. I know they don't want you to think it matters, but it does. And I will do everything to give my kids "a leg up" so to speak! lol. :) Fingers crossed I have enough money to afford private school though.

.the key to "having it all"...

... is realizing that most likely, you never will. once you grasp that concept you can be happy with what you already have because, after all, it's most likely more than alot of people will ever have.

lately i have found myself wanting. a lot. and I know I should stop, but oh I want it so badly! :)

a beautifully landscaped yard. a better looking me. updates for the house. a newer car. money to shop all the good sales. a college education. a normal family.


but...

it's likely that someone in my neighborhood, whose yard is absolutely beautiful will lose their home by the end of the year.


and i realize that dreams are different for other people. a lonely girl could have the house of my dreams, but no one to share it with. no babies to snuggle in her arms, no loving husband to hold her hand, no mother to listen to her cry without judging, no dad to hug her tight, no sisters to laugh so uncontrollably with that you snort and spit, no brothers to threaten death to anyone who dare hurt her.


someone else may naturally come by killer looks and a body to die for, but her body is too broken to let her live any semblance of a real life. and chances are she'd trade me bodies in a second for the change to just live.


i do have a car, actually we have two of them. and they work well enough. and... a nice guy i know has a brand new amazing car, but no food in his house. when given the choice i pick food for my children.


good sales happen all the time, just because I can't participate in all of them shouldn't bum me out, because i do have enough money to shop some of them.


a college degree just seems like such a far out there goal, unattainable even - given my current responsibilities. but some college graduates will never have a job as good as mine.


... and my family, well. what is normal anyhow?? probably boring and I was born a drama queen, which means i'd complain about that too! hahaha.




I may not ever 'have it all' but ... MY LIFE IS GOOD, and that is something to smile about, heck I may even dance a little. :)