Lately my life has been really challenging for me. Jabali is in Grad School and working a full time job. When he is not working, doing homework or at school he is sleeping. He doesn't have much time for anything else. Which means I have to do everything else. Such as: driving kids to and from Ellensburg, dealing with all the big kid drama: bad grades, suspensions from school, teacher meetings, phone calls and emails, good friends, bad friends, girlfriends, sleepovers, homework, chores, bad attitudes, allowance, sports, after school activities, disrespect, lying, pets, showers, hygiene, doctor appointments, orthodontist appointments, medication monitoring and refills, checking text messages and internet histories, signing forms, Halloween costumes, dropping of things at the school, picking up backpacks, explaining difficult problems, helping find solutions without telling them what to do.... and on and on. That is just for the older two kids. I still have two little ones that, believe it or not, are even more needy. And then Jo comes every other weekend adding to my fun but also the workload. It's funny how each child acts like my life revolves around them... but it can't, literally, there are five of them and only one of me.
Then to top it off, I still do all the laundry, cook all the meals, pack all the snacks, do the shopping, most of the cleaning and log 60 hours of work a month. Then throughout the day I am still a much needed sister, daughter and wife. Each with their very own list of responsibilities and expectations.
Then to top it off, I still do all the laundry, cook all the meals, pack all the snacks, do the shopping, most of the cleaning and log 60 hours of work a month. Then throughout the day I am still a much needed sister, daughter and wife. Each with their very own list of responsibilities and expectations.
I can't do it all, and I hate feeling like a failure. What's worse is that I feel like I am being set up for failure. I am frustrated and overwhelmed. I pretty much hate everyone. I don't like feeling like this. I am not depressed, there is no pill that is going to allow me to do everything or have time for everyone, not even the illegal stuff. :)
Right now, not always, but right now ... my life fucking sucks.
I know it'll pass, and eventually I'll figure out how to do it all and have time for myself too. I am amazing like that, but I am also a drama queen so I get to blog and whine about it first. :)
Right now, not always, but right now ... my life fucking sucks.
I know it'll pass, and eventually I'll figure out how to do it all and have time for myself too. I am amazing like that, but I am also a drama queen so I get to blog and whine about it first. :)
5 comments:
How much longer is Grad school? That is a lot to deal with. I'm glad your mom and sister are there to help you out.
Would the older boys have time after their activities to chip in more?
Sorry you are feeling like a failure. Just think how terrible their lives would all be without you there supporting them. You are amazing and generous and thoughtful (from what I remember and can feel through your words).
I think it's totally healthy to whine about things sometimes (not all the time or it becomes a pattern and way of life), but sometimes it's good to get all the gunk out so you can see the good. It's like getting a new toothbrush. ;)
I love that!! A new toothbrush, that's perfect. It's exactly how I feel. :)
2 more years with this program, and then 2 more for his doctorate. :) I've got plenty of time to figure it out lol.
That's a long time! What's he going to school for?
Psychology, and yes quite long... 8 years! :)
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